The recent social media trend, ‘reasons why you wouldn’t want to be my friend,’ has revealed a deep need for connection and an internalized toxicity in friendships. Sometimes trends are like a double-edged sword. What often starts as fun and easy can slowly turn into a dark revelation; either way, it cuts deep.
This edition of trends was no different. As it continued and more and more people hopped on, I was convinced that we were a disturbed generation. What stood out to me was the way many people expressed a need not to be bothered, while others expressed a desire for genuine connections in their friendships. And the irony is, the two are often ‘best friends.’
Being an adult is hard enough. You have jobs, bills, ambitions, family, and responsibilities weighing you down. With too much going on, we strongly reject and avoid unnecessary additions to our plates. Anything else that feels like work and is nonessential goes out the window, and sometimes friendships fall in that category.
However, we are social creatures; the need for connection is irrefutable. In all honesty, many of us have a capacity of only one genuine friendship, but that doesn’t sound cool. Claiming that you have many friends does. Therefore, you gather many acquaintances and label them as friends, and that is the beginning of the toxicity.
Also, most of us are optimizers; we want the most gains with the least effort. We don’t want to put in any more effort than is necessary, especially in friendships. Read on and discover other toxic traits that stood out in this trend.
Normalized Poor Communicators.
“I am such a bad communicator and my friends know this. I don’t reply to texts and I don’t like calls. I am so glad my friends understand me,” said a lady on TikTok. The topic being, ‘why you would hate being my friend,’ I was convinced that this girl didn’t have any friends whatsoever because, in all sincerity, how can any relationship work if there is no communication?
Alternatively, she hates her friends, and the lack of communication is an effort to cut them off. Perhaps this is just wishful thinking, but I would hate to be her friend. Genuine friendships require constant communication. A text here, a call there, a meme or reel thread on any platform, pick your poison, but if it is radio silence, then that’s telling, maybe you are a stranger!
Disappearing Acts.
“Sometimes I disappear for months especially when I am going through it, but this is not a reflection of our friendship, we still okay, but this is just how I am.” Expressed another lady on Instagram.
Sometimes friendships are tricky; they require you to uphold your values while also respecting boundaries. It is understandable if a friend is going through a tough time and needs space. But only if they communicate it.
Having a friend who constantly disappears on you is disturbing. It is worrying when they isolate, go no contact, decline calls, and refuse to respond to texts, only to pop up months later as if nothing happened.
Maybe we don’t place as much importance on friendships as we do on romantic relationships. If your man acted like this, you’d probably be on to the next one. So why would you do this to your ‘ride or die’ friend, but most importantly, why would you condone such behavior from your friend?
Compartmentalizing Friendships.
“I have compartmentalized my friendships. I have a friend for everything. I have a friend who I talk to, another who we shop together, another who we go for trips and have fun with, and I feel like this works for me, to have many friends spread out.” Said a woman on TikTok.
Compartmentalizing sounds fun and fancy until you realize how you have been compartmentalized. “I had this group of girls who I thought were my it girls and even had them lined up as my brides’ maids only to realize that they didn’t value me as much as I did them. I didn’t even make it to be a bride’s maid on their weddings.” The lady who expressed this opinion sparked a huge debate on TikTok on the compartmentalization of friends.
It would hurt to realize that someone you consider a close friend sees you only as an acquaintance. They only reach out when they want to vent and trauma dump, or when they need financial help, but never include you on girls’ trips or invite you for significant moments in their life. Yep, that would suck.
High Maintenance Vs Low Maintenance Friendships.
High-maintenance versus low-maintenance friendships were a popular theme on this trend. A high-maintenance friendship is one that requires constant time, attention, and emotional energy to sustain. Such friendships demand immediate attention, are rife with drama, habitually disregard boundaries, and often leave you feeling drained.
A low-maintenance friendship is a more mature, secure bond in which people can go long periods without talking, yet when they do, they pick up exactly where they left off without drama or judgement.
Most ladies who hopped on this challenge advocated for low-maintenance friendships, but oddly, they were paired with high-maintenance friends. This then creates a cycle of one-sided effort, drama, and high negative emotions, leaving both sides feeling drained.
Find Your Tribe.
A mismatch in friendship is what leads to toxicity. Genuine friendships have shared values and beliefs, and that’s what makes them work. If you are a high-maintenance friend, look for high-maintenance friends, then you can talk every day, reassure each other in the friendship, and meet each other’s energy and vibe.
If you like to ghost your friends, then be friends with ghosts, and you can disappear on each other like a magic show. If you don’t like being bothered, look for friends who don’t like being bothered either, and you can be unbothered together.
You can’t be friends with everyone, so stop trying. Instead, look for people who make friendships feel easy and effortless. Life is a lot, and friends make it easier. However, genuine connections require intention and effort, so look for people who you feel are worth it. ♥
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
