Friendship Betrayals: How To Deal.

Photo by Negar Nikkhah on Unsplash.

Imagine overhearing a conversation where your friend talks ill of you behind your back, belittling and laughing at you with others. Or you wake up one day, and the entire internet knows your deepest and most sacred secrets because your friend shared them online.

Imagine a friend who smiles at you but secretly sabotages your efforts at getting a promotion at work. Or you walking in on your best friend and your partner, rolling in the middle of the bed in your home.

There is a gut-wrenching pain in realizing someone you trust, love, and cherish thinks so little of you that they don’t mind hurting you. You’ve probably experienced one or two of these: the Judas kiss. So, what do you do when a friend betrays you?

Understand The Intention.

Judas’s betrayal of Jesus was premeditated. Judas accepted the thirty pieces of silver and even kissed Jesus on the cheek to single him out from the crowd as per the demands of Jewish temple authorities. On the other hand, the betrayal of Jesus by Simon Peter was unintentional.

Peter had all the intention to stand by Jesus to the very end; he even cut off the right ear of the high priest’s servant during the arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane. But when the reality of what would happen to Jesus and his followers following the arrest hit him, he denied him three times.

Sometimes knowing whether a betrayal was intentional or just an honest mistake helps the mind cope with the shock. However, deciding whether a betrayal was intentional or not is hard, especially when you are in the pits of pain. Therefore, don’t rush this step.

Once the storm clears, you can analyze the entire situation or friendship and see if it is worth salvaging. Nevertheless, keeping a friend who intentionally harms you is like keeping a snake as a pet. It is in their nature to harm, and nothing you do can change that.

Acceptance.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that your friend can say mean things about you or that, of all the men in the world, they choose your husband to love. If you are to heal from a friend’s betrayal, you have to skip the denial stage and go straight into acceptance.

Don’t make any excuses for them or minimize the damage or the hurt they have caused you. Call a spade a spade, not a big spoon. You have to acknowledge that they actually did that to you. Acceptance means facing the truth even when it is harsh, painful, and unimaginable.

Notably, acceptance does not magically make things okay. It just means you are being totally honest with yourself. Besides, you cannot fix a problem if you pretend it is not there. Just like you cannot put a bandage on a cut you cannot see, you cannot heal a heart if you pretend you are fine. Facing the truth is the very first step to feeling happy again.

Talk To Somebody.

A problem shared is half solved, and sometimes you just need to vent. Therefore, therapy can be a helpful solution. You do not necessarily have to share all the messy details with them, but speaking out is always better than keeping the heavy pain in your mind.

Sometimes, just having a simple conversation with someone you trust is the exact turnaround you need to start moving forward. Healing can be tough because it often feels like a lonely, one-person journey, especially when you are hurt by a close pal.

Talking to someone, a family member, or a professional, reminds you that you have support and do not have to carry the weight by yourself.  Keeping the pain inside only makes it worse. Telling someone else what happened allows them to share a new view, which helps clear your mind and makes the pain feel lighter.

Face The Pain.

The pain you feel when a friend betrays you is real. Many people try to pretend it is not. They try to avoid it, numb it, and run from it altogether. Therefore, do what you must to face this pain.

Cry, vent, and let it all out. Mourn the loss of a friend; the end of an era, the gossip sessions you will never have with them, the friendship you thought you had, and the person you thought she was.

Don’t choke on your tears, let them fall. Feel the pain till you can hardly breathe. Let the sadness, hurt, and pain overwhelm you. Don’t escape it; it gets ugly before it gets beautiful. Trust me, it gets better and easier.

With time, it doesn’t hurt to hear their name or see them. You no longer wish them dead, and you no longer roll your eyes at the thought of them. Eventually, the wound heals, and although the scars remain, they no longer remind you of the pain.

Love From a Distance.

It is hard to accept that the friendship is over, but sometimes the best thing you can do is step away. Do not go back seeking closure or answers from them, as that only brings more pain to your heart. Instead, focus on setting firm boundaries to protect your peace. Setting boundaries is a great way of showing that you know your own worth.

You can forgive a friend for hurting you and still choose not to associate with them anymore. You can still love them deeply and still let them deal with the consequences of the mess they have made. It is perfectly fine to love them from a distance.

Walking away from a bad situation allows you to focus on building stronger and more fulfilling friendships with people who truly care about you.

Choose Yourself.

You have spent enough energy on someone who hurt you. It is time to stop pouring your focus into a person who betrayed you without a second thought, completely ignoring how their actions would impact your life. Now take that same energy and pour it right back into your own life.

Rediscover the hobbies and activities that make you happy. Dedicate your time to your personal projects and your future goals and realize you are the most important person in your life. When you choose yourself, you stop waiting for the other person to change and start building the life you deserve.

Final Thoughts.

You will not wake up and instantly get over the hurt of a friend’s betrayal. The healing process is long and tedious, and it requires patience and plenty of self-reflection. While you may eventually choose to forgive friends to find your own peace, remember that setting boundaries and choosing yourself is the most important part of the journey. ♥