Ladies, picture this, you meet a guy, and he sweeps you off your feet. You begin to think he is the love of your life, and you even daydream of the day you walk down the aisle and have his babies. Then one day, out of the blue, he ups and leaves. Worst yet, there is no communication or explanations, and you are blocked on all social media platforms.

Sounds familiar? Getting dumped is distressing, but being blind-sided in a breakup can be world-shattering. It leaves you wondering what went wrong, what you did wrong, and can leave you spinning for months or years. The good news is that in most cases, 99.99% it’s the guys’ fault for not realizing you are unique and precious. But for argument’s sake, let’s expound on the 0.01% that you might be the problem.

Do you have dump-able traits? Is there anything you can do to change the narrative? This article will discuss some of these traits and help you understand why you always get dumped unexpectedly.

1. You Are A Poor Communicator.

In this day and age, poor communication is just a turn-off. With so many new and easier ways to keep in touch, a lack of proper communication gives the vibe that you are not interested in the guy or the relationship. Besides, it makes the connection one-sided, and nobody wants to be in a relationship alone.

If you constantly ignore your partner’s calls, fail to respond to text messages, and fail to reach out later, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are a poor communicator. The bare minimum is to keep in touch with your significant other in whatever channels or means of communication.

While keeping in touch is a crucial aspect of improving communication in relationships, the ability to communicate your needs effectively and listen intentionally to your partner elevates the connection to the next level. It helps de-escalate conflicts and makes you and your lover feel seen and heard.

So, don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking because you probably don’t. If something bothers you, don’t just say, “It’s fine, or it’s nothing!” Communicate it! And avoid stonewalling, which is a fancy name for giving the cold shoulder. Your ability to communicate reduces the chances of being dumped suddenly.

2. You Are A Serial Cheater.

To some guys, infidelity is a relationship’s worst form of betrayal. Some can’t simply get past it. So, if you still like to play the field while you are committed to someone else, that is a major red flag and probably a reason why you get dumped without warning.

Perhaps due to commitment issues, past trauma, and self-sabotage, sneaking around arouses a thrill and excitement that you are probably not experiencing with your significant other. So, you nurture a full-brown relationship behind your partner’s back and lie about it constantly.

You might think you have everything under control, that you are slick, covering your tracks, hiding your sneaky link exceptionally well, and removing all traces of evidence, but even the best players fumble. And when your partner gets wind of this and can’t condone the behavior, they leave.

If you have a trend of cheating in all your relationships, all is not lost. You can check into therapy and unpack this mystery. Understanding yourself will help you change your behavior and become a better partner.

3. You Are Disrespectful

Sometimes the reason you get dumped over and over again is because you are outrightly rude and disrespectful to your partner and other people. Sometimes people hide behind being honest when they are being disrespectful, but there is a skill in telling the truth without tearing the other person down.

Perhaps you shout at the waiters in the restaurant when they mess up your order or throw a fit at any service worker when things don’t go your way. You have no empathy or compassion for others and believe you are always right and act like it. Honestly, nobody wants to date such a person.

Moreover, you could be belittling your partner, gaslighting and shouting at them when they try to hold you accountable. It is disrespectful to invalidate their feelings, use aggressive language, and try to intimidate or manipulate them.

Healthy relationships should have a delicate balance of physical and mental well-being. Treating your partner with the same equality and respect that you would want for yourself is essential.

4. You Are Insecure.

Imagine being with someone who is always clingy, smothering, nagging, and gets jealous at the slightest provocation. It can be tiring to date someone who constantly needs reassurance of love and acceptance. While we should hold space to affirm each other in relationships, it should not be a mandatory do-or-die scenario. It can be emotionally draining and highly exhausting for your partner.

In psychology, attachment theory holds that our relationship style is shaped by the care we received from our earliest caregiver as well as various life experiences. The attachment style affects how we relate to people and influences our ability to form authentic and healthy relationships with those we care about.

An insecure attachment inflames a person to respond to their needs for connection by either desperately avoiding or desperately pursuing them. So, if you are deeply insecure, you throw a tantrum whenever your partner is kind to the waitress or when they casually converse with members of the opposite sex because you perceive this action as a threat to your relationship.

Similarly, when you bring down your partner to build yourself up, you are not only being a jerk but also very insecure. However, you can change this narrative by contacting a therapist and working on your limiting beliefs and insecurities. It will help you improve your self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Being dumped sucks. But like any process of grieving, understanding the part you played is one of the crucial steps in getting over a heartbreak. If you are part of the problem, you are also part of the solution. Work on yourself and set yourself up for healthy and nurturing connections. ♥

This article was first published on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/mourine-warui-32182a277/