What You Shouldn’t Say to as Suicidal Person.

When someone is in severe emotional distress, words that sound encouraging to you can land very differently for them. And what we say to someone in a crisis can either open the door to help or make them retreat further into silence. September is suicide prevention month, and as it comes to an end, let’s highlight things you shouldn’t say to a suicidal person.

1. Be Strong.

This sounds encouraging because we associate strength with resilience. However, telling someone who is already exhausted from trying to survive to try harder is counterintuitive. They may already have been ‘being strong’ for weeks, months, or years. It can unintentionally turn their suffering into a test of character or make them feel as though needing help means they have failed.

Try Saying:

“You don’t have to be strong with me. You can tell me how bad things really feel.”

2. Think about your family.

Think about your mother, what about your children, or think about what this would do to your family. Understandably, you want to remind the person that they matter, but guilt is different from hope.

Someone experiencing suicidal thoughts may already feel like a burden, and telling them how devastated everyone is would only make them feel trapped rather than supported. It can also discourage them from opening up in the future to prevent panic.

Try instead:

“You matter to me and I want to help you get through this.”

3. Other people have it worse.

This is one of the worst responses you could give. Someone tells you they are drowning, and you respond by explaining that someone else is underwater too. It does not make them breathe.

Someone can have a loving family, a job, a home, financial stability, and still experience unbearable psychological pain. Pain is not a competition.

Try instead:

I may not fully understand what you are going through, but I can see that you are hurting.”

4. You have so much to live for.

Often said with love, but for someone who is suicidal, they already know that theoretically and intellectually. But their emotional pain has become overwhelming, such that those things no longer feel accessible.

Try instead:

“I know there are things you care about, but I also know you are hurting badly right now. Let’s focus on getting you through this moment safely.”

5. Suicide is Selfish.

This statement turns someone’s crisis into a moral accusation. For a person who is already struggling with shame, moral accusation may push them further on the edge. Suicidal thinking is a sign of severe emotional distress, and having such thoughts is not a weakness and is nothing to feel guilty about. You can communicate that suicide would profoundly affect other people without condemning the person who is suffering.

6. But you don’t look depressed.

The biggest misconception is that people in crisis must look visibly broken; they don’t. Someone can go to work, laugh with friends, attend church, post pics, and appear completely functional while experiencing suicidal thoughts. External appearance does not necessarily reflect internal suffering, so listen to what they are telling you.

7. You don’t really mean that.

Never assume you know what someone means better than they do. If they tell you that they are thinking about suicide, take them seriously. You don’t need to determine whether they are ‘serious enough’ before offering help. WHO recommends asking directly about suicide; talking openly can help a person feel understood and may create time and space for alternatives.

Try instead:

When you say you don’t want to be here anymore, are you thinking about suicide?

8. Just pray about it.

Faith is an important source of comfort, meaning, and community for many people. But prayer should not be used as a substitute for professional care when someone is in danger. You can pray with someone while also helping them access a counselor, therapist, or an emergency service.

Try instead:

Let’s get you the support you need, and I will stay with you while we do it.”

9. Everything happens for a reason.

It sounds nice to say, perhaps you believe it, or you have survived difficult things and found meaning in them later. But for someone in the middle of a crisis, they don’t want to hear a philosophical explanation.

They may be trying to survive the next hour. Telling them there is a reason for their suffering can sound like you’re asking them to accept something they currently cannot bear.

Try instead:

“I don’t know why you are going through this, but you don’t have to go through it alone.”

10. Don’t do anything stupid.

Such macho language will only worsen the situation. The word stupid is particularly harmful here, and when someone is in crisis, they need help, safety, and connection, not judgement. Tough love is not the right tactic here; try a softer approach, a calm and warm tone instead of harsh ridicule.

Try instead:

I am worried about you, and I don’t want you to face this alone. I am staying with you while we get help.”

What you should say:

I am here.

I am listening.

I believe you.

I’m glad you told me.

You don’t have to handle this alone.

Are you thinking about suicide?

Are you in immediate danger right now?

Let’s get you some professional help.

I’ll stay with you while we figure out the next step. ♥

Photo by  Sydney Sang on Pexels.