My Boyfriend Asked Me to Quit My Job; What Should I Do?

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

“Tony, wants me to quit my job. He says he will provide for me everything that I want so I can relax and take care of us.” My friend Claire and I were having brunch when she spat this out.

My friends say I don’t have a poker face. My thoughts always slip through my face, and my expressions tell it all. However, this time, I tried my best to hold it back, and so I let out a sigh.

“Mh!”

“He says I work too hard and I am his baby girl; his queen and I shouldn’t have to worry about those things and I am seriously considering it.”

“What!” I exclaimed, letting my face do the talking.

Claire was the CEO of the country’s most popular beauty company. What started as a side hustle to supplement her make-up artist job turned into an industrial empire. She was now producing her own make-up from foundations to powders and lipsticks. Her business was booming, and her online community was ever-growing.

Earlier in the year, during our goal-setting meeting, she expressed a desire to open a college and pass on her skill set. She had even found a space to rent out and was in the process of getting the necessary accreditations. This was her big project for the year. Therefore, this new revelation was indeed a shock.

“I think it is time to settle down. You know how much I want a family. Besides Tony is thinking of proposing and we were talking about our future and I don’t think I can juggle the two at the moment.” She went on.

Tony is her boyfriend of five years; he had charmed his way into her life. They had met at a business conference I was covering, and Claire was my plus-one. Through their mutual love for business, they hit it off. He slithered into her life at a time when she was pivoting into entrepreneurship. He encouraged and supported her desire to start a business, and of course, this swept her off her feet.

Tony was the CEO of a telecommunications startup at the time. He knew a whole lot about business, from the big stuff like acquisitions to the nitty-gritty details such as brand colours, and this intrigued Claire. What started as a mentor-mentee relationship quickly turned into a romantic affair. In her defence, he was easy on the eye.

Today, Tony is an internationally acclaimed thought-leader in his industry. And from his lifestyle, the frequent international trips that he takes Claire, and the gifts he gives, stating that he makes bank is an understatement. Therefore, entirely providing for her is child’s play.

I know the question ringing in your mind is, “How does he treat her?

Claire is a very private person. She avoids the spotlight, and when it shines on her, she only talks about her business and work. Similarly, she minces her words about the relationship, letting only what she wants known. Therefore, from the outside looking in, he treats her pretty well. But as we all know, everything is not always as it seems.

Photo by Diva Plavalaguna on Pexels.

“I feel conflicted.” She cut through my chain of thought.

“I don’t want to let go of my career or business. I have worked hard to get to this point and I have all these plans of how far I could go; it doesn’t make sense to just let it all go especially now that I am at my peak. On the other hand, I want this man and the future he presents. I want to get married to him and have a family with him.”

“Why do you have to choose one or the other? Why can’t you have both?” I interjected.

“Tony’s vision does not include a working woman for his wife.” She said sadly.

“What! He said that?”

“Yes.”

“That can’t be good.”

I was enraged by that statement. What kind of twisted and psycho game was he playing? Tony had mentored Claire to what she was today, holding her hand and walking with her as she built an empire brick by brick. Now he was handing her a sledgehammer to tear it all down!

My father has always cautioned me about men who urge women to quit their jobs. “Don’t allow a man to incite you to resign from your job and stay at home, that man wants to take away your freedom; don’t allow it.”

As an adult who has read, seen, and heard about some things, I hold on to these words like prized gems. Hence, my reactions throughout this conversation, it is not far-fetched to say or think that my opinion was entirely biased.

Besides, I never did like Tony. It irked me whenever he spoke. Perhaps it’s the condensing tone that dominated all his speeches, or maybe it was his arrogance after all; he had built a great career and company from the ground up, and he never let anyone forget it.

From where I sat, she had one clear move: ‘dump his ass’ and continue building her empire. She could always meet another man, more capable, get married, and have a family with him. Tearing down years of sweat, hard work, connections, and late nights to be with him did not seem worth it. It was not a fair trade.

“Just leave him.” I blurted out. “It not a fair trade and I know you will regret throwing all your hard work away.”

“I can’t just leave him. We have been together for five years, he has supported me to build this, if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have it either.”

“Is that what you think or is that what he told you?” I interrupted.

“Moh, you know you don’t understand!”

“Yeah, you are right, I don’t understand. What you need to do is very clear.”

She remained quiet, and I leaned back, allowing the awkward silence to take over. Of course, I did not understand her dilemma. I was a single woman cruising through life with a few flings dominating here and there. My time is dedicated to my job, business, and fitness journey, so of course, I could not understand, but I was also aware of the intricate web that a romantic relationship can weave.

However, it was clear that Tony’s intentions were not pure. If he genuinely loved her, he wouldn’t be clipping her wings, nor would he be putting her in such a predicament. Therefore, wouldn’t it be better to lose such a man now than in five more years?

“If it was reversed, would Tony leave his empire and internationally acclaimed career to marry you?” I asked, reaching out to hold her hand. I needed her to know that this was not an attack on her but a genuine concern. However, she brushed my gesture off, looked at me with tears building in her eyes, then looked away.

She finished her lime-and-pineapple mocktail and signalled the waiter for the bill. It was evident she did not want to hear more of what I had to say, and I respected that after all; this was not my decision to make.

After paying the bill, she walked off without saying a word or glancing back. I had done it again: opened my big mouth and risked a friendship that had taken years to cultivate. At least my conscience was clear, but it did not make it hurt any less, and after a failed attempt to drown my sorrows in cocktails, I too went home. ♥