How To Cope with Loneliness as a Single Woman.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash.

I have been a single woman for a long time. For as long as I could remember, I was always in a relationship. Either seriously dating someone or casually meeting up with people. At no point was I really single and alone. So, after my last relationship, I took some time off to be intentionally single.

It was hard at first. I didn’t know how to deal and cope with my emotions, and so I fell off the wagon and entertained a suitor or four! Again, not really single. But I got a grip and got back on track. Being intentionally single is good. I am enjoying it. Discovering myself over and over again.

In my single journey, I had not felt alone or lonely. My life is set up such that I am surrounded by people who love and care for me. I hardly feel alone, and I don’t have a longing to be with someone. No wonder I have been single for a hot minute. My life is complete, and I don’t feel like there is anything missing.

However, a few months ago, on my way home from work, I had an incredible experience. My day had been normal. I went to work, and that is always fun. Later, I had brunch with my colleagues turned friends, and we had funny and solid conversations. When my shift was done, I walked to the bus stop in silence, taking in the goodness all around me. I was okay and at peace with myself.

I boarded the bus and sat next to the conductor’s seat near the door. The lady who sat next to me was wearing a blue face mask and had a lot of luggage. As she took her seat, she apologized for any inconvenience or discomfort, and we zoomed off. This time, the bus I had boarded didn’t have loud music. In fact, there was pin-drop silence. I like to think it’s a time for the passengers and their thoughts!

We had not yet left the city when I was suddenly engulfed with sadness. So out of the blue. I felt so sad. I couldn’t explain it. I had never experienced anything like it. My heart was heavy, and my chest pained a little. I felt a deep, profound sadness that made me feel like crying. I am an empath, and I have the ability to feel other people’s emotions, and at first, I thought I was mirroring someone’s emotions, perhaps the lady who had sat next to me.

Then a thought crossed my mind, “Wow am so alone!”

That caught me by surprise. Where did that even come from? In my years as a single person, I had never felt that way.

“I am going home and I have no one waiting for me. Wow I am so lonely. It is so sad!” the thoughts kept going, each with a renewed strength of sadness. I instantly felt like crying. And not just crying but ugly crying- a total breakdown. I felt that’s what I needed. However, I held back my tears. There was no way that I was going to start crying on the bus. Therefore, I reassured myself that I would cry as soon as I got into the house.

And so, I sat there with my overwhelming feeling of loneliness, isolation, and sadness. I was just sad and didn’t even have the strength to change my thoughts. The reality of being single was dawning on me. Then I began to realize I hadn’t thought of any man in months. I was not thinking of anyone, nor was I meeting up with anyone. And that made me feel so lonely. The fact that I lived alone made things even worse, and it was just sad.

I alighted at my stop with a goal of going home to cry. However, by the time I got into the house, I couldn’t cry. In between, I had met a few people who instantly shook off the sadness, and when I got into the house, I wasn’t in the same emotional state. However, it was the first time I had ever felt that way, and I knew I had to explore it before it became an issue.

So, how to cope with loneliness as a single woman

During the Trigger.

Feel the Emotions.

One thing that I have learned in my single era is that emotions demand to be felt. Therefore, when I got into the house, and those emotions had been temporarily shelved, I knew it was up to me to deal with them head-on. That’s the only way I could be free. I sat on my bed, in silence, and allowed myself to feel. It didn’t take long for the feeling of sadness and loneliness to surface. Again, I felt them as deeply and intensely as they had appeared before. It was like I was feeling it for the first time. So sad.

Do What You Have to Do to Let the Emotions Out.

Remember, while I was on the bus, I refrained from crying and scheduled crying time for when I got home. But when I did, I couldn’t cry. I was feeling sad and lonely. With a heavy heart and tight chest, I still could not cry. I lay on my bed, and no matter how I felt, I just couldn’t cry, so I decided not to force myself.

Instead, I took out my phone and began scrolling through Instagram. As if the universe was guiding me to what I wanted, I came across a post of Reverend Kathy Kiuna eulogizing her late husband. The post is what I need, as soon as I read it, the tears began to flow.

Ugly Cry.

Bishop Kiuna had died of cancer, and his wife of thirty years had eulogized him in a sweet manner. In her post, I felt her pain and sadness. I think I put myself in her shoes, losing the man you love and being forced to move forward with the pain. It was just so sad. It triggered my own pain and emotions, and I released. In the comfort of my bed, I couldn’t hold back any longer. Therefore, I let myself be. I ugly cried, tears, mucus, and all. I let it all out. I also allowed my body to guide me because it knows what I need. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore, and it was okay.

Allow The Shift.

I think I just needed a good cry. Because, after the tears, I was free. I didn’t feel sad or lonely anymore. In fact, I felt proud. Proud that for the very first time in my life, I had allowed myself to be. I had created a safe space within myself where I could cry and feel my emotions with no self-judgment and self-criticism. It was a new feeling and strangely satisfying. A sense of pride that settled in my stomach, reassuring me that I would be okay.

It’s like I had this new lease in life. It sprang me into action. I did the dishes and got ready for my gym session. I crashed my gym session and had a long conversation with my gym partner afterward. I was happy. Such is life: one moment you are feeling lonely and ugly, crying; the next, you are happy, contented, and feeling strong. Regardless, it moves on! Therefore, set yourself free from the baggage. ♥