January always has a way of exposing unfinished business.
You started last year with an intention. You wrote down your goals. You told yourself this would be the year. Heck, you even made a vision board to visualise your goals. And now twelve months later, you are standing at the same starting line. Disappointed, tired and even embarrassed to admit that you didn’t stick to your plan.
The sad and uncomfortable truth is that many people hardly achieve their New Year’s resolutions. Research shows that by 17th January, which is the official quitter’s day, most people are ready to hang up their boots. Other studies show that over 80% of resolutions fail by February. So, if you didn’t achieve your New Year’s resolutions, you are not alone.
Contrary to popular belief, many people do not achieve their New Year’s resolutions because they are lazy or incapable, but because their resolutions are poorly designed, emotionally disconnected, and lack proper support systems. Therefore, failure is not a personal flaw. It is feedback.
Consequently, the real question should be “Why didn’t I succeed?” And to get you back on the right trajectory, another question should be, “What do I do differently now?” Growth is not linear, and you should not expect it to be.
So, you probably feel like you wasted time. Like you lack discipline and the willpower to follow through. Perhaps you even feel like you are stuck in a loop where you keep starting over while others move ahead. None of this makes you weak. However, pretending that the disappointment doesn’t exist does not make things better either.
According to psychology, suppressed regret often turns into avoidance. As a result, people abandon goal setting altogether because it feels safer than trying and failing again. Unfortunately, our emotions shape our thoughts and actions. Therefore, if you skip this emotional reckoning, you will be stuck in this insidious pattern and eventually stop aiming altogether.
All you need is to pause and acknowledge the regret. Something along the lines of ‘I wanted something. I didn’t follow through.’ Only then can you move forward without carrying shame into the next attempt.
Next, a plan.
Most New Year’s resolutions fail because of the simple fact that behaviour follows identity. If you set an identity-level goal, you need identity-level change. Goals like “I want to lose weight,” “I want to be consistent,” “I want to save money” are all outcomes and not transformations. What you need to achieve your goals is transformation.
If your habits do not match who you believe you are, motivation will always collapse under pressure. Therefore, what you need is structure. Another reason why New Year’s resolutions fail is that many people rely on motivation instead of building sustainable structures.
Motivation is emotional. It is also flitting. It spikes in January and disappears as soon as life becomes inconvenient. Besides, studies in behavioural psychology show that the environment and systems outperform willpower.
Also, you need to set New Year’s resolutions based on your current reality. Do not underestimate; time constraints, financial pressure, emotional exhaustion and competing priorities. Optimism bias makes people assume future versions of themselves will have more energy, discipline and time. Consequently, that future version never arrives.
Similarly, you need to kill the all-or-nothing mentality. Missing one week at the gym shouldn’t make you quit the goal entirely. Overspending once shouldn’t make you abandon your budget. Aim for progress over perfection. And progress does not collapse because of failure; it collapses because people interpret failure as final.
To achieve your New Year’s resolution this time, you will need to shrink the goal until it feels almost too easy. This works because small, repeatable actions create identity change faster than ambitious goals.
Instead of saying “I will work out five days a week”, rephrase to “I will move my body for 10 minutes three times a week.” Or “I will save a lot of money”, try “I will automate saving a fixed small amount weekly”
Soon you will realise momentum comes from success and not struggle. And with that, Discovering Her, wishes you a fruitful and prosperous New Year. ❤️
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
Wow, I have enjoyed this ❤️… especially this line, “Progress does not collapse because of failure; it collapse because people interpret failure as final.” I think that our Goals should not put us to a point where we are fixed in the mind.