Who Decides You are Good Enough?

In a world that constantly measures us against various standards, the question of who decides if we are ‘good enough’ is timely and imperative. It weaves through every facet of our lives, from relationships to careers and ambitions.

We grow up surrounded by influences that shape our perception. However, where do these standards come from, and how do they affect us? Understanding who or what is shaping our sense of self-worth can help us reclaim and restructure what ‘good enough’ means.

 Family and Early Influences.

The first people who shape our sense of self-worth are our family. Caregivers, parents, or guardians are often the ones who lay the groundwork for our self-perception. Approval from family can feel validating. In contrast, disapproval or high expectations can instill a belief that we must constantly strive for more. A belief that we are not enough.

While it is true that family plays a critical role in shaping who we are, their perspectives can be flawed and limited. Sometimes, your guardian can have personal insecurities and traditional beliefs that impact how they view themselves and, in turn, you. Also, if nobody taught them how to value themselves, how can they teach you?

In this realisation, you find the freedom to live your life on your terms. Consequently, you also don’t hold their disapproval with too much weight. With time, you realise you don’t need anyone else’s approval. You are good enough. And that becomes the first step towards defining your standards.

Society’s Standards: The Social Media Age.

The society has always had a hand in defining who is ‘good enough’. From traditional media to advertising, we are bombarded with images of success, beauty and happiness that set up an often-impossible standard. In the social media age, this pressure has only intensified. Seeing endless curated images of other’s accomplishments and joy can leave us questioning if we measure up!

Remember, social media is a highlight reel. Therefore, defining your life depending on what you find while scrolling is unrealistic and unsustainable. Most of what we see on social media is carefully curated, frequently filtered and even staged. Understanding this can free us from comparison and a need to live up to a constructed standard. It also allows us to appreciate our lives as dull or as unique as they seem.

Education and Professional Expectations.

With text scores and highest to lowest ranking, the education system has shaped our self-worth for years. For twenty-plus years, we were taught that we were worth something if we worked hard in school and scored our best. While these metrics help us develop academically, they can also lead to a mindset that equates self-worth with achievements and external validation.

Ironically, those who struggled with low school grades find it easy to adapt to the outside world. They have the highest resilience and stamina to endure life’s changing seasons. They had to learn at a tender age and for years that their self-worth was innate. It is not defined by a high text score. A lesson we all learn at some point in life!

In our professional lives, the standards set by managers, company culture, and industry expectations can also dictate whether we feel adequate. Promotions, salaries and performance reviews are often used as benchmarks for progress, but they do not always reflect our true value. They often overlook individual strengths that don’t fit into rigid criteria.

Relationship and Peer Groups.

Ah, the human need to belong! Our friendships, partnerships and social circle can also influence our self-worth. Being accepted by friends, supported by partners or admired by peers can feel validating. Being judged or criticised can diminish our self-confidence. Relationships can provide a positive boost, but they can also make us vulnerable to other’s opinions.

While relationships can be a source of validation, they shouldn’t be our sole measure of self-worth. Our social circle should enhance our self-worth, not determine it. That said, finding people who respect and encourage us to grow without judgment is essential. People who let you shine brightly. Those that see your worth even when you don’t see it yet!

The Inner Voice: Your Strongest Influence.

Among all influences, perhaps the most powerful voice is our own. The standards we set for ourselves are often more rigid than those imposed by society. Self-criticism can drive us to constantly seek more, to believe that we’re not enough as we are. It is beneficial to have high personal standards, but they must come from a place of self-compassion rather than self-doubt.

Our inner voice can become our harshest critic or our most steadfast supporter. Therefore, practising self-awareness and self-compassion can transform this voice from relentless critique to encouragement and acceptance.

So, who decides if you are good enough?

You! The one who decides that you are good enough is you. Only you can truly understand your journey, your challenges and your strengths. To reach a place of self-acceptance, you require self-reflection, forgiveness and a willingness to let go of external measures that don’t serve you. You get to decide. And you have the power to be all that you can be. It’s you, honey; it has always been you!♥