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Ooops! You did it again!
Woke up in the arms of that Ex you swore never to talk to again! Started smoking again after three years of being clean! Wagered away your children’s school fees after promising you would quit gambling! Or lost your third job in six months because of lateness and an arrogant attitude!
“How could I be this stupid? How did I let this happen again!” Your subconscious mind begins to bombard you with these questions constantly. And now you are feeling like a failure. You are consumed with immense guilt, shame, and regret. Then, you have this urge to gulp down two shots of whiskey to numb your pain!
It’s in such times that loving yourself can feel challenging. However, finding self-compassion in the midst of disappointment is a powerful act that helps you grow. It strengthens your resilience and therefore heals your emotional wounds. Here’s how to grow through self-disappointments!
Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions.
Drop that bottle of whiskey, don’t snort cocaine, or go skydiving. No amount of thrill-seeking adventures or drugs can numb the pain you are feeling. So, don’t try it! In moments of disappointment, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to suppress your emotions.
Acknowledge how you feel, even if those feelings are unpleasant. Disappointments, sadness, and frustration are natural reactions, and it’s okay to experience them without judgement.
Practical Steps.
Label your emotions: Simply naming how you feel can bring clarity and prevent emotions from controlling you. For example, say, “I’m feeling disappointed,” or “I feel hurt!”
- Journal: Writing out your feelings can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and understanding. Let your words flow without judgement, criticism, and restriction. It will help you process and release emotional tension.
- Mindful Breathing: Take deep, mindful breaths. Focus on the present moment to bring yourself back into a place of calm acceptance.
Separate Your Identity from the Setback.
Okay, so you messed up again! You didn’t keep your word to yourself. You have done the most unimaginable thing and can’t find your way out. You feel disappointed and that you have let yourself and others down. The good news is you can overcome anything and everything as long as you don’t identify with it.
Don’t say, “I am a failure, I can’t do things right! I am a mess!” Don’t identify with your mistakes and disappointments. Often, when we face setbacks, it’s easy to internalise them as a reflection of our worth. You have to constantly remind yourself that failures and setbacks don’t define you.
Practical Steps:
- Affirmations: Reinforce your self-worth by using affirmations like, “I am enough,” or “I am valuable regardless of my setbacks.” This separates you from what you perceive to be failures and disappointments.
- Focus on positive qualities: Think about qualities you admire in yourself that go beyond achievements and failures. You may be a kind and compassionate person; focus on that. Appreciate yourself for just existing and being who you are.
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Practice Self-Compassion, Not Self-Criticism.
Self-criticism is a typical response to disappointment. However, if you let it take over, it only deepens feelings of inadequacy. Instead, try self-compassion. Self-compassion allows you to support yourself through the pain.
Practical Steps:
- Be your own friend: Imagine how you would respond to a friend in the same situation. Would you criticise them harshly or would you offer comfort and understanding? Give yourself the same empathy. You deserve it.
- Self-Compassion Break: Take a moment to say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment.” This reminder can interrupt the cycle of self-criticism.
Reframe Your Experience as Growth.
A change in mindset is the spice that makes your broth stew! There is nothing you can’t achieve with it. Disappointments and setbacks can be a profound learning opportunity. If you allow it, they can challenge you by revealing areas where you can change, grow, or gain a new perspective.
Practical steps:
- Look for Lessons: Consider what the experience has taught you. Did you discover a strength you didn’t know you had? Did it reveal a need for change in some areas of your life?
- Cultivate a Growth Mindset: With a growth mindset, challenges will always be learning opportunities. Remind yourself that every disappointment is a stepping stone towards a better you. Learn through the pain and grow.
Surround Yourself with Positive Support.
When you are in the thick of it, it’s natural to want to self-isolate. It is a result of our freeze, flight, or fight response. However, no one should have to go through disappointments alone. I don’t care how much shame or guilt you feel; there is always someone ready to hold your hand through it all.
Talk to your support system. A dear friend, a family member, or a therapist can help you feel seen and understood. It makes it easier for you to move forward with love and self-compassion.
Practical Steps:
- Reach Out: Open up to trusted friends or family members. Sometimes, sharing your feelings out loud provides clarity and comfort.
- Seek Professional Help: Through no fault of their own, sometimes your friends may not always be there for you when you need them. It happens; it is life. Try therapy or counselling, which can provide a structured space to process disappointments and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Remember: Self-Love Is a Journey.
We, the human race, are deeply flawed. Nobody is perfect. So, stop trying to be! Loving yourself is a lifelong journey that requires patience and practice. You won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. Embrace your flaws and find beauty in the life you are living. And with each moment of compassion and understanding, you build a foundation for greater self-love.
Practical Steps:
- Practice gratitude for small wins: Each small act of kindness you show yourself counts. Celebrate these moments and remind yourself of the progress you’re making.
- Forgive yourself for Setbacks: We all have moments where we slip back into old habits or mindsets. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that change is gradual.
Learning to love yourself through disappointments is one of the greatest acts of resilience. It reminds you that even in your lowest moments, you are worthy of kindness, patience, and love. ♥
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
