Everyone says, “New Year, New Me,” but what if you do not want a new you? What if you are too tired to reinvent yourself? What then?
When the New Year comes, it arrives loudly. Of course, there will be a worldwide firework display and deafening screams to usher in the new transition. Soon, the same messages resurface: reinvent yourself, upgrade your habits, and become a better person.
Social media is filled with well-curated before-and-after images that highlight the success of the previous year. Then, one after another, vision boards pop up: New Year resolutions, productivity planners, with the ultimate declaration of transformation.
Quiet Form of Pressure.
January comes with an exhaustion that people hardly recognise or talk about. For many women, January does not feel like a fresh start. Mainly because the holidays are not as restful as we are led to believe.
The holidays involve a lot of planning, hosting, cooking, cleaning and serving. And women shoulder the majority of these responsibilities. It is ironic that many women take a well-deserved break from their regular jobs only to take on other unpaid roles.
Whether you are married or not, have children or not, as long as you are a girl, there are roles and responsibilities expected from you in the family and in society. It is the price you pay for spending the festive season with your family.
Therefore, by the time the new year arrives, you are already exhausted. Yet you are expected to hit the ground running. Back to work with new Q1 goals to set, new year resolutions, new goals, plans and strategies. Let’s not forget the back-to-school hustle either. So, it’s no wonder it feels like pressure.
Toxic Productivity Culture.
The idea of reinvention is not new. However, in recent years, it has become aggressive. The productive culture tells us that if we don’t transform ourselves regularly, we are wasting potential. That, if we are even a quarter late to the party, we are slacking off!
I mean, why haven’t you set New Year’s resolutions? Why are you working unthinkingly with no ambitions or strategies? How can you achieve anything if you don’t have a plan? While it’s all well-intended, this pressure disproportionately affects women who are already conditioned to over-giving, over-functioning and self-correction.
It is exhausting to keep reinventing yourself every year. ‘New Year, New Me’, then it means nothing really sticks because we are constantly changing and constantly adapting, constantly looking for flaws and something to fix in ourselves and our lives. This inherently communicates to our subconscious that we are never enough as we are!
Constant Self-Improvement Is Harmful.
Research shows that people who tie their self-worth to productivity are more vulnerable to burnout and depression. For women who are already socialised to prove their worth through usefulness, this can be damaging.
However, in moderation, self-improvement is healthy. It is how we achieve key milestones in our lives. It is also how we grow and better our lives. However, constant self-improvement is unhealthy.
Constant self-improvement breeds chronic dissatisfaction. Nothing is enough. Anything and everything can always be bigger or better. You walk around with a cloud of inadequacy because you never feel enough. And whenever you are still or resting, anxiety creeps in because it feels like you should be doing something. Anything!
The Way Forward.
What if all you did was survive? Life is unpredictable. Things change. Life can knock us down, not once or twice. Your spouse of 30 years may decide they want to start a new life in Tanzania without you. Your dear close friends can cut you off and ghost you for no apparent reason. Or you can get sick, break a leg and spend the rest of the year in therapy recovering.
Likewise, death may come knocking and, in a minute, your life changes forever. Similarly, your company can restructure, and the axe falls on you, unfortunately. Or you are scammed out of your hard-earned money and have to start over.
Therefore, sometimes, your only goal is survival. Getting out of bed and taking a shower becomes a win. Eating a meal to fuel your body becomes a win. Going a day without crying becomes a win. It is like learning to walk again. It can only be one step at a time.
Those are some of the wins we overlook in January because apparently, we all ought to be saving the planet, building rockets and curing ailments. All valid purposes, by the way, but it is also okay if you sit this year out. Let someone else build the rockets, cure cancer and save the planet.
Growth is giving yourself grace when times are hard. Celebrating your wins, however small. And living a day at a time. It is also seeking help when needed and speaking up when overwhelmed.
Therefore, it is okay to want a quieter year. To drown out the noise. To have a rest in January and set your New Year’s resolution in Q2. You don’t need a new version of you to move forward. You just need to permit yourself to pause once in a while. And that darling is more than enough!
Happy New Year.♥
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
