Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.
There is a clip cut of Steve Harvey going round on TikTok, where he is giving advice to women on his popular show, ‘The Steve Harvey Show’, and I thought, “Do women know this?”
“Women, you don’t understand the power that you have. Can nobody touch your hand, get your number, kiss you or have sex with you, if you don’t allow it. You control this entire situation!” Of course, he was not addressing the sickos in society who degrade and rape women; he was talking about a normal and healthy relationship dynamic.
Women have so much power, yet very few know it. Mainly because we have been conditioned to believe sex is a male thing. The patriarchal society has made us think that only men can have sex whenever and wherever they want. That they have the power, and our only role in the matter is to submit.
As a result, we have been accustomed to putting men on the peddle stall. “Will he like me? Am I sexy enough? Is he attracted to me? If I tell him no, will he still love me?” kind of thinking. And so, we learn to wait on the man and take cues from him, especially if we are really attracted to him. Also, we are made to believe that any woman who is confident in her sexuality and takes the initiative is a slut.
Therefore, for fear of being labelled as a whore or slut shamed, we learn to play pretend. Pretend that sex is not a biological need: pretend that we have no say in the matter, and pretend that it is a shameful act. And so, we shift the focus to the man, take cues from him, and act only when he acts. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Photo by Valeria Boltneva on Pexels.
Darling, you get the final say over what happens with your body.
Sex is the most consequential thing you can engage in as a woman. If you don’t protect yourself, you can get an array of sexually transmitted diseases. Also, with the gift of the womb, you have the potential to create and give life. This puts you in a position where you are faced with serious life decisions. It feels unfair, but it is what it is!
No matter what you hear and read, sex is an emotional occurrence for women. It means something to us whether we like it or not. It is in our biology. When a woman has sex, she produces the oxytocin hormone that makes her bond with her mate. It’s nature’s way of ensuring we continue to reproduce and fill the earth.
That’s why women get crazy attached to their partners. Research also shows that sex is one of the main reasons why many women are in messy and complicated relationships. They had sex and are now attached to men who don’t value them. Others are in a cycle of breaking up and making up.
Then there is the shame. You overindulge in a night of drinking, and now you are waking up in a stranger’s bed. Shame! When you have sex with the wrong guy- shame! When you behave badly, shame! When you are in line, shame on you! When you bring your freak on- shame! No matter what you do, there is a shame attributed to a woman’s sexuality.
The way I see it, if sex comes with all this baggage, isn’t it better to have a say about it? Better yet, be picky about it. For starters, have sex on your terms. You have the power. Also, detach from the idea that sex determines your worth. Sex or lack thereof doesn’t determine your worth as a woman.
Notably, with protective measures, you can have sex as many times or as few times as you want! But it’s best to know yourself and what works for you. If you are a freak in the sheets and a saint in the streets, then that’s your prerogative. If you are waiting for your wedding night, that’s cool too. And if sex is business for you, play your cards right!
If sex is your power, yield it as you desire! ♥
