How To Cultivate Self-Respect. A Journey Back to Yourself.

Are you the type of woman who can walk out on a sitting president because you feel disrespected by his remarks? Or are you the woman who will laugh sheepishly as the president pinches your cheeks in public?

I have always wanted to be the type of woman who can walk out on a president if he disrespects me. But I have not always nailed the bull’s eye. There was a time in my life when I constantly said “yes” when I wanted to say “No.” There were times when I kept quiet when I should have spoken up. When I laughed off disrespect instead of walking out, and when I tolerated things, I had no business accepting.

I shrunk to accommodate others, to maintain peace and not be labelled as problematic. I wanted to be validated, to fit in, and to be accepted by the people in my life. Maybe you know that feeling, too.

Self-respect is not taught in school and is not always modelled in our communities or families. Most of us learn it the hard way. Through heartbreaks, burnout, and betrayals after countless moments of tearing ourselves apart just to keep others happy.

But here is what I have learned: self-respect is not a luxury; it is a necessity. It is not about being perfect or arrogant, either. It is all about dignity and being honest with yourself. It is about knowing when to walk away, stand tall, keep quiet, and say, “This is no longer enough for me.”

To cultivate self-respect is to return to yourself. An internal revolution. Here’s how to start the journey.

1. Know Who You Are (And Who You Are Not).

A woman who walks out on the president is a woman who is sure of herself. She is not on a trial-and-error mindset. She would not risk her career, reputation or life on a temporary whim. She knows who she is and definitely who she is not!

Self-respect begins with self-awareness. Knowing yourself means peeling back the layers of social conditioning. It means staring down at your life and evaluating everything, including your habits, lifestyle, beliefs, and everyday choices.

It is choosing to lead a different life from what you have been taught or accustomed to. To achieve this, you have to journal regularly.

Begin by asking yourself some questions. What do you truly value? What brings you joy? What are your values? What makes you tick? What makes you upset? As you reflect, focus on what makes you feel small and explore that. After all, there is immense growth in discomfort.

2. Set Boundaries.

People will treat you how you treat yourself. And when you have weak boundaries or none, you communicate to others that you do not respect yourself. In turn, they won’t respect you either.

Boundaries. More than just a fancy word for you to throw around and be seen as ‘woke.’ Boundaries are the fences around your emotional garden. The line through which people may not cross. And without them, anyone can and will trample through your peace, intentionally or not.

When you respect yourself, you do not apologise for setting limits. You say ‘no’ without guilt and can easily walk away when your dignity is on the line. More importantly, you understand that being ‘nice’ at your expense is not kindness. Rather, it is self-abandonment.

So, start small. If you feel drained after specific interactions, distance yourself. If someone constantly crosses your line, name it and correct it. Don’t be afraid of ruffling some feathers. Protect your time, energy and peace.

3. Escape The Validation Trap.

Do you honestly think a woman who walks out on a serving president cares what other people say or do? I don’t think so! Her worth is not tied to praise or approval. She is her own person, and so she moves like it.

When your value and worth are tied to likes, praise, and approval, your self-respect becomes hostage to other people’s opinions. True self-respect is internal. It is a quiet confidence, a knowing. And definitely does not need applause.

This does not mean becoming arrogant or closed off. It means trusting your own compass more than the crowd’s noise. It means doing what’s right even when it is unpopular.

To escape the validation trap, practice doing things just for you. Dress well for yourself and not your boyfriend. Choose hobbies that spark a fire in you. Start a passion project. Take yourself on solo dates. Fall in love with your own company. Appreciate yourself and reaffirm your worth any chance you get.

4. Keep The Promises You Make to Yourself.

Every time you break a promise to yourself, you chip away at your self-respect. Whether you skip the gym, procrastinate on your goals, or stay in a toxic relationship, your mind registers. And over time, you begin to distrust yourself.

You know, keeping your word to others builds trust. However, keeping your word to yourself builds self-trust, which is the cornerstone of self-respect. It also communicates that you value yourself.

Therefore, start small and be consistent. If you say you will wake up early, do it. If you commit to a boundary, uphold it. While at it, create a journal that documents your achievements, however small. Let your actions prove to you that you can be trusted.

5. Nurture Your Inner Ally.

Nobody likes a negative Nancy. A complainer and critic of everything without offering solutions. Therefore, don’t be one to yourself. How you talk to yourself matters. Your inner dialogue shapes your life. You can’t bully yourself into greatness and expect to feel whole.

Do you berate yourself when you fail or fall behind? Or do you speak with firm kindness like someone who deserves to rise again? Most of us have a loud inner critic who judges and nitpicks every little thing. This criticism is often fueled by perfectionism or fear and can be a source of self-doubt.

Self-respect means treating yourself as worthy, even when you are at your lowest. Therefore, monitor your internal dialogue. When you catch yourself in harsh self-talk, pause. Replace “I am so stupid” with “I made a mistake, and I will grow from this.” Compassion is not weakness; it is fuel.

Cultivate an inner ally. One who shuts off the criticism. And one who says ‘Enough’ when the self-criticism becomes too much. And one who believes in you and is louder than your doubt.

6. Learn To Stand Up for Yourself.

A woman who walks out on a serving president is definitely assertive. She doesn’t allow anyone to belittle her or treat her poorly. She commands and demands respect everywhere she goes.

Assertiveness is an important aspect of self-respect. It means standing up for your needs, feelings, and thoughts in a calm and respectful manner. It also means deep knowing that your opinions matter and are worth voicing.

Being assertive is a skill that you can develop with practice. You can practice on a friend or visualise a conversation beforehand. It takes courage to stand up for yourself. So, take the time to cultivate it and be patient with yourself.

Remember, it doesn’t need to be aggressive in any way. Assertiveness can be kind and gentle. Instead of using statements like ‘You always…’ or ‘You never…’, they sound accusatory. Try, ‘When you…’ ‘I feel…’ or ‘I am hoping…’ These statements help you express your perspective without placing blame.

7. Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve.

Settling is not humble; it is self-betrayal. Whether it is staying in a job that suffocates you, a relationship that belittles you or a lifestyle that erodes your soul, settling tells your subconscious that you don’t believe you are worthy of more.

Self-respect whispers: you can want more and still be grateful. You can desire better without being ungrateful. Therefore, make a list of where you have been settling. Then take one bold step in each area to raise your standard- even if it’s scary.

Final Thoughts.

Self-respect is not something you ‘achieve’ once. It is a daily act of remembrance. It is in your decision, the boundaries you set, the thoughts you allow, and the standards you uphold.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about alignment. You were not born to shrink yourself to fit the comfort of others. You were not created to tolerate disrespect in the name of love or acceptance. You are worthy. Not because of what you do, but because of who you are. Cultivating self-respect is simply learning to believe that and live it out, one choice at a time. ♥