Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

Did you know that long-distance relationships have a 60% success rate? An article published in Vogue Magazine stated that, in many studies, couples in long-distance relationships have equal or even higher levels of satisfaction than those in geographically close ones.

Depending on who you ask, long-distance relationships are either doable or impossible. And neither party is wrong; these relationships can be romantic, exciting, and fulfilling, just as they can be lonesome, frustrating, and exhausting.

That said, long-distance relationships are not my cup of tea. I shy away from them. Firstly, because my love language is acts of service, closely followed by quality time. Therefore, I require my love interest’s physical presence to fully feel loved in the relationship.

Secondly, sometimes it feels like couples who are comfortable with long-distance relationships struggle with the everyday intimacy that is required in relationships. It is loving someone while keeping them at arm’s length. ‘Yes, I love you but from over there. Far away from me.’

This is not to say that couples in long-distance relationships are insincere or insincere. No, in fact, some of the most popular and long-standing relationships and marriages started as long-distance relationships.

Notable Long-Distance Couples.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. When the two met, Prince Harry was in London, while Meghan Markle was working in Toronto on the set of Suits.

Barack and Michelle Obama. During their early dating phase, the couple had to endure long-distance because Michelle worked in Chicago and Baraka was studying law at Harvard in Massachusetts.

Nelson Mandela and Graca Machel. After Graca Machel’s husband, Samora Machel, the President of Mozambique, died, Nelson Mandela, having been released from jail, pursued her for a romantic relationship. While they dated, they were involved in a long-distance relationship, maintaining independent residences in South Africa and Mozambique. And even after their marriage, they managed hectic schedules between diplomatic work in their respective countries and private life.

David and Victoria Beckham. In the Netflix documentary Beckham, the famous former footballer David Beckham revealed that he would drive for long hours to spend time with Victoria, even if it was only for a few minutes. She was a member of the pop girl group, Spice, and so their working schedules collided.

So, What Makes a Long-Distance Relationship Work?

In David Beckham’s case, he drove hours to see Victoria; theirs was a case of logistics rather than the distance itself. Even with their hectic schedules and independent countries and work, Nelson Mandela and Graca Machel still found a way to intertwine their lives. This therefore shows that, in most cases, distance is just a hurdle to be jumped, not an obstruction to love.

Therefore, make sure the distance is temporary. You can’t just survive on hope that one day the distance will end. You have to actively work towards bridging the gap. Perhaps look for a job in your partner’s city or move to their country and figure things out from there.

Also, for the long-distance relationship to work, you need to be aligned. You need to be on the same page about the purpose of the relationship. You need to have similar life goals. If you are dating with the goal of marriage, it makes more sense to move to your partner’s country, city, or town, and vice versa. However, if it’s a casual fling, the distance will probably kill it before it materializes into anything substantial. You can’t ‘see how its goes’ with a long-distance relationship.

Whether you are oceans away, a continent away, or 2 hours away, you need a strong communication strategy to keep the relationship thriving. While the best way to communicate is organically, sometimes setting a fixed time to talk every day ensures you keep your commitment to each other. You should talk when you want to, not because you have to, but setting a specific number of calls every day ensures you are both working to sustain the relationship.

In addition, you need to have a hard conversation. You can have chemistry and really like each other, but if you have no possibility of being in the same city, there is no point in keeping in touch. Long-distance relationships work only when you are both moving towards each other.

That means having hard conversations, discussing the purpose and direction of the relationship early on. It also means channeling resources towards making it work, rearranging your lives, and leaving your family and comfort to pursue this relationship.

Is It Worth It?

We can have this debate till kingdom come. On one hand, you will be pursuing your happiness, a love, and a chance to be with someone you truly cherish. On the other hand, relationships are not without their limitations, and they can end. Sometimes slowly but most often dramatically, so what do you do if you break up with your boyfriend and you have already moved to Brazil to be with him?

Bottom line: it is hard to tell. When you are in a long-distance relationship, you are partially in a delusion. You don’t really know what it is like to date and be with your person constantly. You only imagine it, and most of the time, you imagine it would be awesome. It is a fantasy.

You don’t know whether they clean up after themselves or if you’ll be required to do it. You don’t see the twitch on their upper lip whenever they lie to you. You don’t know their quirks, their music tastes; do they only listen to Eminem and not even Tupac can get a verse in?

To be loved is to be known. Yet distance limits this intimacy from ever forming in a deep and meaningful way. When couples are apart, it is easy to romanticize, idealize, and pedestal each other. Therefore, you end up overlooking the everyday yet crucial differences.

So, can it work? Is it worth it? Yes, if only you could find someone willing to bridge the gap with you. Also, even close-proximity relationships end, so you should at least give the long-distance relationship a chance; you never know what you might find and keep. ♥

Photo by Shawn Fields on Unsplash.