“How are you?”
“I am fine, thank you, how are you?”
It saddens me that nobody taught us other responses to this question. Thinking about it, “How are you?” is such a loaded question. One that we treat so casually. Life is hardly ever fine. It is chaotic, messy, bumpy, with numerous ups and downs. It is not linear at all.
Fine is the word we use to hide all that’s going on in our lives. Fine is the word we use to hide our shame, hide our pain, carry our burdens, and stop people from prying. Sadly, we are not fine.
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and maybe it’s time for us to have a conversation that many of us would rather avoid. Because many times, the person who is struggling and over the edge doesn’t look like it.
They still go to work, answer messages, laugh at dinner, and even post their photographs captioned ‘Happy’ with a smiling emoji. Also, they always say that they are FINE! Yet behind all that, they are quietly wondering how long they can keep going.
We’ve gotten good at talking about money, relationships, politics, and sex, but often topics on mental health take a back seat. That’s until someone unalive themselves and we all jump on the speak up, hashtag depression, and it is okay not to be okay trends.
But if someone asks, “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” the room becomes painfully quiet. Suddenly, everybody is uncomfortable. Maybe it is because we don’t know what to say, or suicide frightens us. Or perhaps we fear talking about it will give someone ideas.
The Statistics Are Warring.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there are more than 700,000 deaths by suicide each year world-wide. Also, suicide is the third leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 29 years old, and 73% of suicide deaths occur in low-and middle-income countries. Furthermore, estimates suggest that for every person who dies by suicide, there may be more than 20 people who attempt suicide.
Moreover, behind every statistic is a person. It is someone’s daughter, brother, friend, colleague, father, or mother. A person who once had plans for the next year and with big goals, dreams, and aspirations. Someone who may have sat at the family table and answered, ‘I am fine,’ and then gone home carrying a pain nobody could see.
Suicide Is Complex.
Suicide is more than simply wanting to die. Yet we explain it away with statements like: they are depressed, they lost their job, they couldn’t handle the breakup, they were struggling with money, or they weren’t strong enough. However, suicidal behavior is complex.
World Health Organization (WHO) notes that suicidal thoughts and behavior can be associated with mental health conditions, previous suicide attempts, substance use, relationship conflict, chronic pain, financial difficulties, and overwhelming life circumstances, among other reasons.
In other cases, suicides occur impulsively during moments of crisis, when someone feels unable to cope with what’s happening.
Therefore, telling a suicidal person to be strong, to think about their family, or that other people have it worse is counterproductive. Pain is not a competition. People in crisis do not necessarily need someone to prove that their life is objectively good. They just need someone willing to sit beside them while life feels unbearably difficult.
It Is Okay Not to Be Okay.
If you are reading this and secretly wondering whether you can keep going, let’s linger a while. First, it is okay not to be okay. You don’t have to solve your entire life today. You don’t need all the answers right now. Also, you don’t have to know what next month looks like or make yourself believe that everything is wonderful. Just focus on getting through this moment safely.
Secondly, move away from anything you could use to harm yourself. Then go where other people are: at home, at work, or with a friend or colleague. Better yet, call someone you trust and tell them plainly, “I am not safe alone right now. Please stay with me.”
You can also seek professional help or go to an emergency department. Kenya’s emergency numbers are 999, 112, or 911.
Always remember, a crisis can make the present feel permanent, but it is not. Also, not being able to see a way forward is not the same thing as there being no way forward. And that’s why sharing or talking to someone helps a lot.
Final Thoughts.
This suicide prevention month, let’s stop treating suicide as a taboo that’s only whispered about. Let’s talk about it carefully, compassionately, and honestly. Because sometimes the person who needs the conversation most is sitting right beside us. And sometimes, the question that feels awkward to ask is the one that gives someone permission to finally say:
“I need help.” ♥
Photo by Resat Kuleli on Unsplash.
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
