January has a way of making people feel exposed. You cross over, the calendar resets and suddenly everyone seems to have something to show for the year that has passed. A partner, children, a new job, a booming business, or a 12-month calendar review of passport stamps. And all that is quite good.
However, if you are starting this year single, broke, and unsure of where your life is heading, it can feel like you missed a crucial step while everyone else moved ahead. And there is a quiet shame that comes with this position. A sense that you are behind and you ought to have figured things out by now.
At one point in life, we have all been there. Staring into nothingness, wondering when it will all make sense. Questioning whether things will eventually get better, and God knows the hype around the New Year doesn’t help! So, if you resonate, this article is for you.
When The Year Starts Without a Safety Net.
Being single in the new year can feel heavier than usual. Especially after spending quality time with loved ones during the holidays. The celebrations end, routines resume, and the silence becomes louder. Louder than you ever want to admit. You begin to wonder whether love has passed you by. And even doubt your standards, whether you are asking for too much or that you waited too long. And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, the pressure only gets worse.
Similarly, being broke carries its own weight. Financial stress has a way of not only affecting your bank account but also seeping into your confidence. It affects your choices, limits your options, and forces you to imagine the future in fear. You show up feeling lesser than. Furthermore, money anxiety can make even meeting up with friends over coffee feel financially irresponsible.
In a society where you are expected to hold your own, especially after years and years of schooling, being unemployed is unsettling. It instantly makes you feel like a failure. It is unnerving, not knowing about your career, purpose or your next step. You can easily fall into depression because every day feels provisional. Like you are waiting for permission to begin your life, because everything else hinges on this one thing!
Don’t Compare Your Beginning to Someone Else’s Middle.
It is cruel how much January encourages comparison. Social media is notorious for showing outcomes rather than processes. We see degrees and graduation ceremonies without the years of schooling, the rejected projects, and the late nights studying. We see engagements and lavish weddings without the loneliness before them. Stability without chaos and success without the years of doubt.
It is no wonder people walk around feeling lesser than. According to psychology, constant comparison is harmful. It activates feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. And this is bound to happen when you measure your internal uncertainty against someone else’s curated certainty.
It Gets Better.
Being single is not a verdict on your worth. It does not mean you are undesirable, unlovable or incomplete. Being single means you are free. It means you have the space to know yourself without negotiation. You are free to full own yourself; the good, bad, ugly and the spectacular. It means you have not settled, and that is far more important than any relationship. Besides, love is what you find when you are not looking. Instead of chasing love, being chosen or feeling desired, chase yourself.
Begin by looking for a job or two. Being broke is a circumstance, not an identity. And circumstances can and do change. Take a look at your financial situation and make adjustments where possible. Money follows skills and systems, so build some. Focus on consistency and not overnight transformation. This season may be about rebuilding, learning or simply staying afloat, but at least it is progress.
The only certain things in this life are death and taxes. The faster you are able to embrace uncertainty, the easier your life gets. It is hard, especially when it feels like you are standing on unstable ground. However, going against the current is always an uphill battle; it’s best to just let things flow. Let things be and adjust accordingly. Having a can-do attitude and a positive mentality makes all the difference.
You Are on Your Way.
Somehow, there is always a standard blueprint we all subconsciously expect to follow. Grow up, go to school, get a job, get married and have children, then die! It is the way it has been for decades. So, when your life doesn’t measure up, society begins to question. And in this context, the society is not strangers and people you don’t know; in fact, it is your family, friends and people you know all too well.
Soon you they begin to nudge you in the ‘right’ direction. Questions of jobs, marriage, and children begin to surface more than ‘how are you’. If this happens to you, just say, “I am on my way.”
You are on your way.
You don’t need to rush into love, wealth or a life of certainty to justify your existence. You are allowed to be where you are until you get to where you want to be. You are allowed to be unsure and imperfect.
Sometimes progress does not always look like winning. It looks like staying present when running away would be easier. So, if you are starting this year single, broke or uncertain, start anyway. After all, you are on your way!♥
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
What a great read!
This is real. Growth isn’t always loud or glamorous, sometimes it’s just choosing not to quit. Being “on the way” is enough.
Being broke is a circumstance, not an identity. And circumstances can and do change.
Money follows skills and systems, so build some. This is great! And my favourite part is; if I build a skill and maintain consistency I will get there because I am on my way.