When it comes to dating, I follow two rules. One is to always be present. It’s easy to let your mind linger and wonder: Is the person seated before you enjoying your company? Will your date be a success? Is your makeup still intact? What this does is rob you of the present moment. You miss out on a lot—I mean, you are technically not there!
Two, if my date doesn’t make follow-up arrangements after the date, we are simply mismatched. Period! The simplicity of this rule stops my mind from spiralling if he doesn’t call. It also reminds me that the date involved two people, and for us to progress further, we both need to be in sync, not just me.
So, when Anna, my dearest friend, told me she was going to call her dates, request feedback, and find out why they didn’t call her the following day, I was mortified. Nothing good could come out of it, but she was determined to get to the root of the problem.
Anna had gone on several dates. All seemed promising. She had a good time, and they conversed and laughed for hours, but after the date, they just never called! She would crack jokes, and they would laugh at her—you would think they were having a great time, but none progressed to a second date. Understandably, this cycle had worried her, but as she dived into the rabbit hole, nothing could have prepared her for what she discovered!
“You are too funny!” one said. “You are too smart; it’s intimidating!” another said. “You talk a lot! You make too many jokes; it’s hard to take you seriously!” One by one, the feedback came, and each cut through deeper than the last!
“Why do men not like smart and funny women?” Anna asked me on our branch date last week. This question seemed to have tormented her for a while, and her frustration was evident. It got me thinking?
Do men really not like smart and funny women?
In most dating profiles, many men list smart, funny, and having a good sense of humour as top qualities they look for in their dates. So, you would think men love smart and funny women! However, there is an undertone attached to these qualities. The fine print!
“Yes, I want a smart and funny woman as long as they are not smarter and funnier than me!”
A research experiment conducted in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin on attraction between men and women revealed that men rated women who outperformed them as less attractive. They also showed less interest in exchanging contact information and distanced themselves from planning dates with them.
Why?
These men said that a woman who outperformed them threatened their masculinity. Data in evolutionary psychology explains that intelligence was a trait women sought out when looking for a mate. Justifiably, they were perceived as better providers, which meant a secure future for the woman and her children.
Funny people are presumed to be smart, after all, they can sustain your attention and make you laugh. A man would get the girl by making her laugh! However, when this dynamic shift occurs, it creates a problem.
A funny woman is intelligent, and intelligence is stereotypically a man’s domain. In the presence of such a woman, the man faces a masculinity crisis, perceiving his manhood as diminished. In such circumstances, the relationship is likely to flop.
On that note, many men are willing to date funny and intelligent women as long as they are not smarter or more amusing than they are! Simply put, ‘I just want a woman who understands and laughs at my jokes!’
What does this mean for the wise, funny woman?
Dim your shine? Play dumb? Pretend to laugh at his jokes? Settle?
Wrong! Hell No!
You don’t have to stifle the funny and witty version of you just to make a man feel good about his manhood. If you do this constantly, you are probably with the wrong person. And that’s a good sign; it means your aligned match is still out there. I am optimistic that there is a man for you.
If you are like Anna and go on a date and he doesn’t call, don’t take it personally. Move forward. Also, don’t go digging through the trash; nothing good will come out of it—just a whole lot of anxiety, criticism, and self-doubt.
Trust me; there is a man confident enough in his manhood who will laugh at your jokes and admire your intelligence. Well, as long as they are not funnier and smarter than his!!♥
Mourine Warui is a media and communication expert and seasoned writer. Her goal is to empower and offer solutions to everyday girl’s problems while provoking candid and authentic conversations. Other goals are to provide inspiration and entertainment to readers through creative, thought-provoking and edgy stories.
